He is near the end of his journey. It is almost time for him to embrace his fate, his destiny. He was dealt the hand, and he tried to bluff his way through, but now life has called his bluff. No royal flush for him, not even two of a kind. So the bluff is called, it's time to stop pretending, to stop hiding behind his righteous ideals. He always thought about it, he always told himself that maybe he would be a better person because of it, but now he sees the truth, his mouth filled with the bittersweet taste of defeat. He must swallow the posion, let it run through his veins, let it eat away his body. His body, nothing but a shell now, just an empty container. A prison actually, he is dead already, and his soul desires to be free, held back only by his physical body which still breathes, walks, laughs, talks, alomost cries but never does. This prison of flesh, a heart still beating, but dead. A face, eyes, dead eyes. Look into them, and you will see he is truly dead. But no one knows, at least that's what he thinks. Nobody really knows him, they all don't know what he really is. They see him walking about, talking, smiling, and they think he is a living person. But his soul is almost gone, held in only by the living body, which soon will also die and free the soul.

And in those days shall men seek death ... and shall desire to die . . . (Revelation 9:6)

There is no reason anymore, no reason to want to live. For what? To go on in a world of sadness, pain, anger, sorrow, fear, anxiety, worry, to lie, never revealing the truth. He has lost so much already, and there is no escape from this hell. A hell as real as any, a hell to call his own, his personal hell, probably much worse than any hell could be. Every day he ponders the question, can he go on? Is it worth continuing a futile attempt at life, at living a real life, one with happiness? Happiness, a concept so far from him. What the fuck is hapiness? He doesn't know, a fable, a fairy tale, something he's heard of but cannot experience. Sadness is all he knows. Fuck it! To hell with hapiness! He will never know hapiness, never, never. He'll never be loved, never be wanted, never be a real person. Just that extra body taking up space, breathing air, eating food, wasting time, all things that could be deservingly used by real people. People who live, real living people, not dead worthless beings like himself. He has come to full realization. He is wiser now than he has ever been. now he know's the truth. We're all humans, but not everyone is a person, this he now knows. What of these others, those who are not persons? They are doomed, doomed to a life of pain and sorrow, a life that some will live out to its last tormenting days, but others, those who are adpet, those who know, will realize it is far easier to end that life, for that life holds no promise, no hope. But unfortunately these lost souls lack the qualities of real people, they are inferior in many aspects, and one of the most important is courage. He doesn't have the courage to do what he must, to do what is his duty to society. He tries to be brave, he tries hard, but the can't, and so his pain and suffereing go on. Everyday he is reminded of his place in society, his place in society is in fact no place at all. His duty is to free his soul from the flesh prison of his body that confines it, for himself and everyone. He has some friends, but they will all disappear like they always have, in time. He is alone always nonetheless. And alone is what he should be, why does he deserve anything more? For it is his defects, his faults, his inadequacies that have put him in this hell. He understands now, he doesn't deserve to be happy, it is his own inabilities that leave him alone and sad, it is and always has been his own fault. He has only himself to blame for the pain and grief. It seems his name is not in the Book of Life, and now as the angel sounds his trumpet, the time has come to pay his debt. The beast has arrived, he has come for those souls, and those souls which are his must be released. So he stares at those damned lights, he calls out to them, he yells at them, "COME GET ME YOU FUCKER!!!!!! COME ON, TAKE ME!!!!! TAKE ME!!!!!!!! DO IT MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!" In reality he is yelling at himself, building his courage, telling himself to have the strength, the bravery to finally do it, instead of walking away like he has so many times before. But he is a wimp, a fucking coward, he doesn';t have the balls to do it, he is a fool, for he only prolongs the inevitable. The lights come, but he always leaves, he doesn't have the fucking balls to steay there and toch them, he is afraid of hat lies on the other side, what is beyond tyhose lightts, FUCKING COWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In those loights, that's where it is, the answers to all the problems, the final act, the end of the journey, wy come this far ans not go all the way??????? Because hue is too scared, he can't do it, but he will come back night afetr night after night after night after niguyt, until he can do what he must. Jyst stand there a fews secionds longer, do it, come one, show some courage for once you wimp, stand there a little lknger, and go ALL THE FU+KING WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahh, wjhat is he thinking, he is a cowatrd, he can;t do it, fuck him, fuck him, fuck everyhting, lret it all go to hell, go on and live the hell, be in it, eventua;ly you'll hafta pay tghe fucin piper, he'll get you, he doesn't stop. Try everyhtung, betray your best friend, hide, run crawl away, you cannotescape. Feel the guilt, feel it brun you up, you've turned your back on him because of yoru won selfish desires,m well how does thast feel???? He is a traitpor, he's lost it all, nothing left, nothing nothing nothing nothing nothging nothingh nothing left at all, only an empty life, deasth in it's most basic form. Sadbness, sorrow, paion, hate, so much pain. How does he stand it, hey take some of those pills, have a drink or two, it'll help, u tiul it kills you, but the n again, he wants to dies, so who gives A FUCK EH?!??!?!?! Smoke those fucking cigartetes, they'll kill you too, they just take a little longer, but thwta the fuck, they'll do job, any less time to liverth setsdfsd, the fucking computet is fucming up!!!! FUCKIN SON OF A BITCH!!!! Some of this hasd been lost, couo,e more drinks, there, now let';s get back to it. Damn machine has taken some of my writing , my mind, gone forever
fuck!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!! FUCK THIS FUCKING THING, she doesn't care, she sodesn't care, he could be edead tommorrow and it wouldn't matter to her, or anyone really. But she is the one that matters, and if she doesn't care whtether he lives or dies, well then, why live???? She is the most amazing one, and he is nothing to her, he doesn't mastter alt all. Time to make donuts, then it's time to die, smashed body , blood, guts, glory in some senese, honour in others weays, duty fulfilled, He haS RUINED the things which matter mstost to him, the fool. He has thrown so much away in a feeble aytttempt to ease his pain, fool, fool, fgool, dool, fool, fool foll fool ,fool, he is such a folol. Tnhe end is near, the fuckin ebd, end, fuck it all, I must admit, this is niot the most literary correct opiece of work, but true nonehteless. This is the end, my only freind the end. Where anm I headed????? Into a deeper hell than that I am already a part of????? The xcintinued adventures into darkness, hello darkness my od firiend, as the song goes.